Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
