great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
