Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
