Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
