I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
