went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
