He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
