8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
