"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
