...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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