I am spending my child support on dildos
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
