Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
