the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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