I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
