He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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