why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
