I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
