Umm I'm too high to move.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
