I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
