at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
