I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
