All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
