I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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