Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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