i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
