I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
