Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
