I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
