Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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