Ambien. No doubt about it.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
