when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
