Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
