Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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