So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
