Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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