From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
