i barfeds in our rink
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
