But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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