my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it's great music for shaving your balls
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
