just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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