Please, let me fuck your mom
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
