my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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