Sober January is a disaster.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
