My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
