dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
