why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
