It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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