I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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