im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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