I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
