My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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