Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
