dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
