dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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