I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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