my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
